Review: American Horror Story Pilot

If you managed to keep your eyes open for the whole pilot episode then read on. If not, well I can’t say I blame you, but you might want to move along.

When I was a teenager I relished classic horror. My weekend sleepovers weren’t complete unless I had introduced another one of my unsuspecting classmates to any of the 4 Psycho movies. But as I got older and horror got slash-ier, I lost interest. Alright, I wasn’t so much disinterested as I was deathly terrified. The anxiety of the impending death scenes physically undoes me. And it’s also knowing that the death will be accompanied by the most realistic blood and guts one-two-punch that causes me to stay at home.

When I first turned on American Horror Story I got nervous. I don’t do horror. I stay home in my safe bed away from horror. Have I invited it in to my house on purpose? I did very little conscious breathing throughout the episode, and wasn’t sure I’d make it to episode two. But two days after watching it something happened. I recalled the teenager in me who loved classic horror and what I found was that American Horror Story fits that bill and adds a modern spin.

The violins get me. Something about the foreboding strings mixed with the gentle clinking of the animal bone wind chimes cause’s me to completely stop breathing. 30 seconds into FX’s American Horror Story and I’m already scared.

5 minutes in and the have covered all my classic horror movie loves. The 70’s, check. An entire decade that we can all agree has creepy covered. Twins reminiscent of The Shining with their REDRUM haircuts, check. Creepy abandoned house complete with overgrown iron gate, check. Severed body parts in jars in the basement, check. Oh twins, you never had a chance.

The Ben and Vivian storyline will provide and interesting and stable backbone to the series. Though trust issues seem to have been worked through in the first episode (yeah, it’s NSFW or kids), Ben is being pursued by Moira the housekeeper (who might be familiar with Room 237 in The Shining’s Overlook Hotel), and the burned former homeowner turned peeping tom. Vivian is also being pursued by evil forces though I think she could do much better if she could GRASP THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEATHER AND RUBBER LAYTEX. Come on, Vivian, one is shiny. THE WRONG ONE.

Their daughter Violet will not be without drama of her own. She may have think she’s gotten rid of her dad’s PSYCHOTIC patient, but I can only see downhill drama for her from his “fears of rejection” and her already pissed classmates after that horror show and cheek slashing in the basement.

The character I’m most looking forward to watching is Constance. She is the most beautiful channeling of the neighbor from Rosemary’s Baby. Jessica Lange is stunning and her appearance onscreen is extremely captivating. Her scenes are by far my favorite, and her lines vary from terrifying in the crazy-murderous sense to terrifying in the crazy-eccentric-old-lady mommy-dearest sense. So she’s terrifying, but pretty, see?

The house itself seems to even be a character with it’s desire to take the men homeowner’s for late night sleepwalks to the nearest open flame. Constance’s daughter, Adelaide, seems to know something about that. Which isn’t at all creepy (insert sarcasm). “You’re going to regret it.” *Shivers*

At first, I didn’t want to “like” this show, but American Horror Story has awakened my inner horror movie junkie with the best of classic horror delivered to my house, in the dark, and I’ll admit I love it. I can’t wait to see more.

If you’re feeling horror deprived between episodes check out their marketing campaign online at AHS Housecall (if you send me a rubber man I will hunt you down, just for the record) and You’re Going to Die in there.

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Posted on October 6, 2011, in TV and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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